Tragedy in Philly: Death Toll Rises to 6 in Building Collapse

In this photo provided by Jordan McLaughlin, a dust cloud rises as people run from the scene of a building collapse on the edge of downtown Philadelphia on Wednesday, June 5, 2013. A building that was being torn down collapsed with a thunderous boom, raining bricks on a neighboring thrift store, killing 6 and injuring at least 13 other people in an accident that witnesses said was bound to happen. Credit: AP

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A building that was being torn down collapsed with a thunderous boom Wednesday, raining bricks on a neighboring thrift store, killing six people and injuring at least 13 others in an accident that witnesses said was bound to happen.

A somber Mayor Michael Nutter said those who died were one man and five women but authorities still didn’t know how many people had been in the store or on the sidewalk when the accident happened.

Early reports had been that one woman had died in the Wednesday morning accident, but rescuers using buckets and their bare hands to move bricks and rubble kept working through the evening, removing body bags at night. Nutter said the city’s emergency workers had been “diligent, determined, focused” in their rescue efforts.

“If anyone else is in that building, they will find them,” he said.

One woman was pulled from the rubble of the Salvation Army thrift store two hours after the 10:45 a.m. collapse when rescuers heard her voice, city fire Commissioner Lloyd Ayers said. Rescuers were prepared to dig through the rubble all night looking for victims and survivors, he said.

Survivors were taken to hospitals with mostly minor injuries, and some had been treated and released by evening.

Officials from the Department of Labor and Occupational Safety and Health Administration were at the scene.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – JUNE 5: Rescue workers search for victims and clear debris from a building that collapsed in an apparent accident at a demolition site, at 22nd and Market Streets, June 5, 2013 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Credit: Getty Images

PHILADELPHIA, PA – JUNE 5: Rescue workers search for victims and clear debris from a building that collapsed in an apparent accident at a demolition site, at 22nd and Market Streets, June 5, 2013 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Credit: Getty Images

Credit: Getty Images

The collapse involved an empty building that once housed a first-floor sandwich shop and apartments above. The thrift shop was on one side. The other side was an adult bookstore and theater that had been taken down within the last few months.

Several witnesses said they had been casting a wary eye on the demolition site and questioned how the workers were tackling the job. That raised questions about how closely the highly visible spot on Market Street, one of Philadelphia’s signature boulevards, was being monitored.

Roofer Patrick Glynn said he had been watching workers take down the doomed building over the past few weeks, and he said he suspected a collapse was inevitable because of the methods the workers were using.

“For weeks they’ve been standing on the edge, knocking bricks off,” he said. “You could just see it was ready to go at any time. I knew it was going to happen.”

Glynn and Anthony Soli were working on a roof atop a nearby building when they heard what sounded like two loud bangs or explosions. They immediately ran down the scaffolding and helped pull out two women and a man.

Steve Cramer, who has been working as a window washer across the street for several days, said the demolition crew left 30 feet of a dividing wall up with no braces and it compromised the integrity of the building

“We’ve been calling it for the past week – it’s going to fall, it’s going to fall,” his co-worker Dan Gillis said.

There were no existing violations on the building and the demolition company had proper permits for the work they were doing, according to Carlton Williams, of the city’s Department of Licenses and Inspections.

The city issued a demolition permit for the four-story structure on Feb. 1. City officials said the property owner was STB Investments Corp.; messages left at the company’s New York offices and a local agent’s number after business hours Wednesday were not immediately returned. Officials said the contractor was Griffin Campbell Construction in Philadelphia; a message left at a number provided for the firm was not immediately returned.

A demolition expert wondered what precautions were taken to protect the Salvation Army store, especially since it remained open. Stephen Estrin, a Florida contractor who has testified as an expert at several trials involving building collapses, also questioned whether the demolition was being done by hand or with machinery. A piece of equipment with a claw device was seen amid the debris Wednesday.

“This is an inner-city demolition of a masonry building, which would normally be done manually because of the inherent risk – predictable if certain things are not done very slowly and very carefully – of a collapse,” Estrin said. “One of the problems with claw work is it sets up a vibration in the walls.”

Witnesses said they heard a loud rumbling sound immediately before the collapse. More than 100 rescuers and several police dogs searched through the rubble.

“I was standing there looking out my window, watching the men at work on the building, and the next thing I know I heard something go kaboom,” said Veronica Haynes, who was on the fifth floor of an apartment building across the street. “Then you saw the whole side of the wall fall down … onto the other building.”

Bernie DiTomo was driving past the Salvation Army store in his pickup truck, on his way to an appointment, when the collapse happened.

“The next thing you know, I heard a rumble, and a building and a sign fell on my truck,” he said.

He said he lay down in the seat of his cab. It was probably over in about 30 seconds, he said. There was a lot of dirt and dust, but he was able to open the door and get out, unhurt. His truck remained nearby, partially covered in debris, as he watched recovery efforts from across the street.

High school student Jordan McLaughlin said a thick cloud of dust immediately enveloped the area.

“It was hard to breathe,” he said.

The accident happened on the western edge of downtown, between the city’s business district and its main train terminal, 30th Street Station. The block had long been a seedy link between gleaming skyscrapers and the busy area around the station.

Maj. John Cranford, of The Salvation Army in Philadelphia, said officials were coordinating with the police and fire department and sent their own disaster response team to the site to serve survivors and first responders.

“Our No. 1 concern is for the safety of our customers and the employees who were involved,” he said. “We ask for the public to pray for those involved.”

Records show the collapsed building was sold in 1994 for $385,894. Marinakos, the architect, said plans tentatively called for the block to be redeveloped into retail stores and apartments.

 

(Source: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/06/tragedy-in-philly-death-toll-rises-to-6-in-building-collapse/)

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Beaten to death by Bakersfield police

David Silva posing with three of his four children in a family photo
DAVID SILVA, a resident of Bakersfield, Calif., and father of four, died on May 8 at a local hospital--the victim of a savage police beating.
Although the coroner's report released the following Friday defers judgment on the ultimate cause of death, multiple eyewitness have come forward to say they saw law enforcement personnel beat Silva until he was unconscious and on the edge of death.
The identities of the officers involved have not been released. As this article was being written, they were reportedly on paid administrative leave.
Statements released by Kern County Sheriff Don Youngblood and Spokesperson Ray Pruitt are short and devoid of detail. But both the Kern County Sheriff's Department (KCSD) and California Highway Patrol (CHP) allege that they received a call the night of May 7 about an intoxicated man, supposedly fitting Silva's description, lying in the grass near a downtown medical facility.
The deputy who was first to respond to the call was a member of a KCSD K-9 unit. He allegedly attempted to engage Silva, who was supposedly "uncooperative." According to the police story, a confrontation then ensued between Silva and the deputy, who used what the KCSD is calling "non-lethal" force in order to force Silva to comply.
The way the KCSD and the CHP tell it, it seems hard to understand how the use of "non-lethal force" could result in Silva's death. But eyewitness testimony--from at least four different people who had an unobstructed view of events as they unfolded--paints a horrendous and very different picture of what actually happened that night.
According to witnesses, the deputy who was first on the scene called for backup--then turned his dog on Silva, before pummeling him with baton strikes. The number of uniforms on the scene quickly multiplied. By the time the officers involved thought Silva had had enough, no less than six sheriff's deputies and two police officers had attacked Silva, and the police dog continued to tug on his body.
The recording of a 911 call making the rounds on local media outlets captures the brutality of the incident. "There is a man lying on the floor, and your officers beat the [expletive deleted] out of him and killed him," one caller, Sulina Quair, said to the operator. "The man is dead laying here right now. These cops had no reason to do this to this man."
Another eyewitness, Ruben Ceballos, told the Los Angeles Times that he was jolted awake by the cracking sounds that echoed each time a baton was brought down across Silva's head.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
AS IF the results of such excessive force were not stomach-turning enough, deputies immediately attempted to destroy any evidence of their misconduct.
Several individuals who witnessed Silva's beating, including Quair, were recording the events on cell phones.
At 3 a.m. the morning following Silva's death, deputies knocked on the doors of eyewitnesses alleged to have cell phone footage of the incident, demanding they give up their phones. One man finally gave in for fear of losing his job, after deputies refused to allow him to leave for work until he had surrendered his phone.
Another witness, 53-year-old Maria Melendez, refused for nearly 10 hours to relinquish her phone, until a search warrant arrived.
Melendez had told the officers she was recording them--in the hopes it would get them to stop beating and kicking Silva. Melendez claims the video of the beating showed Silva screaming and crying for help for a total of eight minutes, before he fell silent, and police tied him up--dropping him twice on the ground in the process. It was only then officers began CPR.
After turning the phones over to an FBI forensics team for "data analysis," both phones were eventually returned. Melendez's phone no longer contained the video footage she had taken that night. John Tello, an attorney working with the Silva family, states the returned phones have been turned over to a private investigator for further analysis. Footage of the incident is expected to be released in the coming days.
Jason Land, another witness to the beating, said that shortly after he spoke out on the record, he found himself in handcuffs. Land, who is African American, was arrested, but then released shortly thereafter. "If I wouldn't have said anything, I wouldn't have been in cuffs," Land told local reporters.
Department spokespeople have not said whether any disciplinary action will be taken against the deputies involved in the beating that cost Silva his life. Members of the Silva family are currently pursuing civil litigation against the offending officers and their respective departments.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
THE ROOTS of such racist police violence run deep in Bakersfield's history. As investigative journalist Edward Humes notes in his book Mean Justice, an extended study of legal misconduct in the area, early in its history, Bakersfield developed a reputation for dispensing the worst kind of "frontier justice"--swift, brutal and geared toward terrorizing poor and working-class minority populations.
A few decades ago, the city was a center of power for the Ku Klux Klan, with many of its members nestled comfortably inside of top positions among local law enforcement personnel.
Though the Klan has largely disappeared from public life in Bakersfield, the pervasive racism its robust past presence suggests has not. Humes' brief survey of criminal cases tried from 1982 to 1998 reveals that of 102 individuals charged with various felony crimes, 56 were convicted, the majority of them people of color. Of those convictions, however, only nine have been upheld--and Humes indicates the circumstances around even them remain highly suspect.
But such racist zeal and corruption doesn't end with the courts, as Silva's murder and the subsequent cover-up make abundantly clear. Less than two years ago, the Bakersfield Californian reported on the criminal behavior of area law enforcement personnel. Offenses ranged from petty theft--with officers allegedly targeting undocumented immigrants during routine pedestrian stops because the cops know their undocumented status makes it unlikely they'll report the misconduct--to reportedly sexually assaulting women in their custody.
In 2010, Deputy Ralph Contreras was sentenced to 15 years in prison for the beating of a detainee in a holding cell that resulted in his death. Another deputy was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for his role in that murder.
David Silva's death at the hands of law enforcement officials is another in a disturbing pattern of horrendous police violence. Despite attempts to intimidate witnesses, destroy evidence and assassinate Silva's character, the people fighting for justice for David Silva will not be silenced.
On May 11, Silva's family and friends held a vigil in front of the Kern Medical Center, where Silva was beaten. Victims of police violence from surrounding areas have already offered their solidarity and support. Several dozen activists, friends and community members also gathered in downtown Bakersfield and marched to demand that Silva's murderers be held accountable for the life they took.
We can't expect real justice for David Silva to come from law enforcement officials or from the courts. It will have to come from a movement that demands an end to police terror.

(Source http://socialistworker.org/2013/05/21/beaten-to-death-in-bakersfield)

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The secret.

I can’t handle it anymore!
I whispered desperately out into the darkness of my room, and threw away my phone. I had been through so much during the last days, this was the last straw!
I felt like I had been raped… I had tried to commit suicide earlier in the week, but I had called a friend that talked me from it, but now, that wasn’t enough anymore… Nothing could save me now… Nothing.
I went over to the cabinet where I kept my clothes and pulled out a hidden drawer, despite being half blinded by tears I could still see what I was looking for, it was gleaming in the weak light in my room.

I picked it up and tried to see my reflection in it… My pride, my blood stained pride. A big Sami knife was resting in my hands, its blade covered in dried blood. My tears fell on the blade and slowly dissolved the dried blood as I looked at it. I lifted the knife… …
I looked at myself in the mirror, I had no clothes on except for my underwear and I was now standing there, studying all of the bandages that covered my body. Covering my wrists, my arms, my knees, my stomach even my throat, and all of them had stains of blood seeping through them, they were still bleeding, but only a little. I was in the hospital, my mother had wandered in to my room just after I had gone unconscious by blood loss, she had immediately gotten me to the hospital. I remember going insane with the knife, first cutting up my knee caps until the blood was running from them and I couldn’t stand anymore, the pain from that wasn’t enough and I had cut my stomach, hoping to cut it open so I could pull out my insides, but I hadn’t gone that far, when my stomach had started bleeding I had decided that I wanted to end myself, I first cut my wrists open by cutting an X on both of them. I then sat there waiting for my death, but it did not go fast enough, I stood up despite the cuts in my knees, but the pain just felt good by then, it was a proof of my end being near. I remember that I had felt dizzy, but I did not care, I wanted to die.
I had taken the knife to my throat, pressing it into my skin before slicing, I had felt the blood gush out from the open wound, and that was the last thing I remembered before waking up at the hospital like I am now.

I was to change the bandages and clean the wounds so they wouldn’t get infected, after this I could go home as long as I came to the hospital regularly to change the bandages and clean the wounds.
A nurse came into the room and I immediately turned my back to the mirror. Changing the bandages was easy enough, the wounds were not open anymore, most of them had been stitched because they were too deep to heal on their own, but they were all really swollen as the stitches were just as fresh as the wounds.

Nothing was hurting, but that was because they had given me special pain killers, if I hadn’t had them it would have been true agony, especially the wound across my throat. I couldn’t talk at the moment, my throat was swollen because of the wound and pressed down on my vocal cords, the doctor had said that the swelling would ease up if I iced it down and I was expected to get my voice back by the night. I have now been at the hospital for four hours, that is the time it had taken for me to come here and wake up, by that time they had stitched my wounds and given me pain killers, it was now 2 in the morning.

As the nurse was cleaning the wounds I was thinking back on what had made me make that decision that I had made. I remembered it too well as it had been really painful for me to realize it… More painful that I had ever thought that such a little thing could be.

It was a ridiculously little event that made it all flow over the top for me. Heh, really, it is a really stupid thing that made me go over my limit.
As I had tried to commit suicide earlier in the week I had called a friend, a friend whom I am ever so slightly in love with, he knows it, but he doesn’t want any relationship with me. Instead he suggested that we could be friends with benefits I was really doubtful to the offer, I am scared of men to be honest. Ever since 2nd grade I have been a victim for sexual abuse, mostly by boys, but also by girls, but not to such a scaring extent that I never wanted to have sex with a girl again. With boys it was another story though.

So well, I became friends with benefits with this boy and my trust for him grew so big that I allowed him to have sex with me. And now, back to previously of today.

Earlier in this week I had asked if he wanted to sleep over at my place, something he said yes to immediately. I knew that it wasn’t only for the sex he wanted to have me in private, he wanted to reassure himself that I was ok. So, today at school. I normally wait for him in the morning just because it is a habit, but today it was really cold and I couldn’t stand outside for longer than it took me to smoke my cigarette. By the time I had finished my cigarette my hands were blue from the cold weather, so I walked inside thinking that he would pop by our classroom to see if I was present at school since I wasn’t waiting for him outside. I could see him then.
Time went and in the end the clock was 8 and classes started. Well maybe he was late or something and did not have time to check our classroom.
In the recess I went outside to smoke, maybe he was busy with something or some of his friends wanted to talk with him. I bet he doesn’t use all of his time thinking about me.
Next class was gym, me and two friends weren’t attending the class of personal reasons, so we walked down to the store in the biting cold.
As we returned to the school a message ticked in on my phone It read “Wow, it the clock that much already, damn I just woke up!”
W
e texted for a while and he told me that he was at home and not at his apartment close to school, I already then knew that he wouldn’t make to the school since his home was some hours away. That little thing brought me to tears as I had looked forward to him coming over for days now, the rest of the class I was close crying several times. The teachers noticed that together with the freshest scar on my hand and took me out of class to go and see the schools counselor. I was absent for one and a half class, and the time I was absent, I used it to cry, and cry and cry. It felt like my heart was to rip away from all the pain that was coming out all at once.

I did not tell the counselor about the weird relationship he and I had, but my teacher had guessed it, I had told her that he was the one that has kept me from killing myself earlier, and she knew that I wanted to be with him rather than anyone else in that moment. After speaking with the counselor and making sure my eyes weren’t noticeably puffy I returned to class and was able to sit through the last half hour without breaking down again. I really wanted to see him, talk to him, hug him, kiss him. That was one thing I could not do in public… Kiss him. I wanted to keep my status as a lesbian and he wanted to keep his status as single.

The bus ride home was calm, nobody bothered me with their talking and nobody wanted to talk to me. That was a good thing, I did not want to act happy and careless at that moment, I just wanted to think and keep myself in control of my emotions. When I got home my parents had set the table for four people, I had looked at the fourth plate for a second before I took it back to the cabinet. My parents looked asking at me and I only said that he had overslept and wasn’t coming over today. Inside I wanted to cry again, they had even made lots of food so that it would be enough for everybody, now it was no use for that. After dinner my father had to go back to work and me and my mother were alone. I gave in and told her about my suicide attempt from last week and about how the day had been. After that I walked to my room, there I had been sitting for hours with my phone in my hand, considering to call him and talk to him, just so that I could hear his voice, I never did so, I only cried more as I was slowly clawing at myself with my nails, I had sent him a message, it read “Goodbye <3” I then went to get the knife and you know the rest of the story.

As I now go to school I always wear a scarf, long sleeved shirts and gloves, both when I am inside and outside of the school to hide the scars. I force myself to hide the pain if my pain killers start to wear out and it is painful to walk. Because I am walking quite a lot the stitches in my knees gets worn really quickly and people comment it when I am not able to keep up with their pace anymore when we are walking, I only apologize and blame it on a stretched muscle beside my lounge that makes it a little hard to breathe, they then say that they understand and slow down. Well, I can’t blame a stretched, muscle forever. And when summer comes I can’t wear a scarf all the time… That time, that sorrow I guess.

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My Guardian Angel

As I slowly drag the the blade across my arm the blood flows out of me. "Just one more." I told myself this lie so many times before. "Just one more" I pleaded again and again. "Last one." I lied again, now my arm is blood covered, and cut to the bone. "What now," I ask myself. I throw the blade. "How could you do this to me?!?" I covered my face as I cry crystal tears. The blood keeps flowing. Again I promise myself no more. My arm goes numb from the pain. I run outside into the rain. I fall to my knees. . I let the drops go into the cuts I scream in pain as a puddle of red forms below my arm. The rain keeps falling and stinging the cuts I have made up and down my arm "Why?! Why, did you have to feel so good you damn blade. Why have you made me who I am?!" I sit there crying on the ground.

I pull out another blade and start cutting my legs. The cuts get deeper and deeper. What do I do now Pleading For more I keep going. Right as I went to do one more i realize someone standing above me... Crying, watching, wondering what I'm doing. As my guardian angel stares at me I feel guilty. "Why are this to me?" She leans down takes the blade and walks away I sit in silence, thinking About what I've done. I stand up with blood running down my leg, arm, and wrist. I can feel myself dying as I'm standing there. I feel someone wrap their arms around my waist I ask myself... Is it him?! Has he come to save me from myself?! I turn around and see his worried smiling face with tears running down his cheeks. He kisses my cheek softly and whispers "I love you babe. Please no more.... I need you." Just then I fall to the ground blood flowing out of me, ready to die I whisper "I love you too. I'm sorry."right then my soul left my body as I said goodbye world. He yelled, "No!" My guardian angel walks over to him and kisses his cheek, and tells him she will always love you. He lays down with his head on her stomach crying. My guardian angel whispers... I will never let you fall ill stand up with you forever, I'll be there with you through it all even if it sends me to heaven...

He stands up and yells through his tears, "No! I was supposed to save her! She was my everything! Why would you take her away from me?! I LOVED HER WITH EVERYTHING I HAD!!!! Please bring her back I need her!" The angel looks down at my bleeding body and breathed life back into me and put my soul back in me. He leaned down and kissed me softly on my lips. His tear hit my cheek and made me wake up from my deep sleep. The angel smiled at us and walked away. He wrapped his arms around me tight me whispered into my ear, "Baby I love you and I never want to lose you again. You're everything I want and need and hope to have. I'm never gonna leave you please don't leave me ever again." My tears run down my cheeks again as he kissed me slowly. When he pulled away he looked into my eyes and smiled. I said, "I love you, and I'm so sorry for leaving you. I will be your guardian angel, saving you from all the harm in this evil world." He started crying again and said, "I love you too."

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True Love

She pulled her sleeve down and looked into the mirror. She asked herself, "Why me, why did he have to choose me?" She walked to her bedroom and laid on her bed silent and still. She pulled her sleeve up again and ran her finger up and down the bloody newly made cuts on her arm. She found her blade, pulled up her shirt, and started cutting her slim stomach from her ribs and down to her waist. Blood poured out of her.

Just then her mom came into her room, because she had heard her crying, she walked over to her bleeding daughter asking, "What the hell did you do?!" She replied, "I...I cut myself, be...because I was... Uh raped..." Her mom slapped her until she was out of breath. She walked it of the room with anger in her eyes.

She came back into the room with a big cup of ice and threw the many cubes on her bloody stomach. She screamed with the cold pain flooding over her from her mother. "You slut, you don't deserve to live anymore!" Through her tears she cried, "Fuck you! You don't deserve to be called a mom all you are is a bitch." Her mom walked over and pushed the ice onto her stomach. The girl screamed a scream she never thought possible. Her mom. Finally left her alone.

About five minutes later her phone started ringing it was her boyfriend, she answered as fast as she could. He said in a panic, "babe, are you ok? You haven't answered me all day." She said softly, "Come get me, please. I'm dying." He hangs up the phone and about ten minutes later he's at her side, getting the ice off of her, picking her up and taking her away from the danger she was in.

The next time she woke up and was in the hospital with IV's with blood and clear fluid, and beeping from a heart machine. She looked over and saw her boyfriend asleep on the couch. She laid there listening to the beeps. Then her boyfriend kissed her cheek and said, "I love you baby." A tear rolled down her cheek and said, "I love you too. Uhh we need to talk."

"What's wrong, did something happen to you, why did she do this to you..." We put her finger up to his lips to quiet him down. "Hun I was raped yesterday and uhh I don't know what to do. It hurt so bad I'm so sorry I did this to you," she said through her tears. He replied, "Honey, you've been here for two days getting blood. It must have been the day before I brought you here."

"I think so... Wait what happened to last thing I remember is you carrying me"

"Yeah, after that you passed out Nd turned white so I rushed you here. They said the open cuts mixed with freezer burn put you into shock. I knew I need to get you put off your house immediately, so I got a lawyer and CPS to go to your house and now your mom is in jail for abuse, and attempted murder."

"Really?! Now who will I live with, foster parents?"

"No, CPS checked my house and they said you can live with me!"

She started crying, "Babe, you did this all for me?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I? You're my baby aren't you? I just want you to be safe."

"Thank you!" She pulled him in for a slow kiss.

"Wait, who's the guy that raped you?"

"Your...your uncle. When you left your house to go to the store with your mom he raped me.."

"Baby I'm so sorry I promise he won't ever touch you ever again. I'm so sorry, please don't leave me I would die without you. Please don't go!"

"I won't, I love you so much. I'm not blaming you, but please don't let him near me."

"I won't I'm calling my dad right now."

"Thanks hun." She pulled him in for another kiss. "When do I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow now that you've woken up?"

"Yay! I can't wait to start my new life with you."

"I love you baby." He kissed her softly on her lips. "I love you too hun."

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The 'Happy' Girl

People always ask me what's going on in my head. It's not necessarily a bad thing, they say it jokingly for the fact that I'm always smiling, and acting crazy. Some people actually dare to believe that smile.

But what's really going on in my head? You wouldn't understand.

It's empty. That girl on the outside that could make you burst out into a fit of laughter with one sentence is the one who is slowly tearing herself apart on the inside. If you were to read my mind it'd be filled with dark colors, lonely souls, and song lyrics. Yeah, I know, it's quiet in there with just some faint background music.

But it makes me content. Music is the only thing keeping me on this earth everyday. And with the help of God, I know I'll be able to overcome this hatred toward myself. I just wish some people wouldn't have realized that too late. And it's my goal to save people. I was put on this earth to help people through music. I know it, even if I were only able to save one person in my entire life span, I'd still be able to die content.

I'm a teenager, I'm not going to specify what my true age is, but even for the short amount of time I've been living, I've noticed some people who have abandoned their life over something someone said or did. And it kills me to know that if I were to go down the same road that they did, I wouldn't have been able to serve as a purpose for anything. I want to help people, no matter what it takes, but I wouldn't have been able to do that.

Think of everything you'll be missing? Love, marriage, children...music. And think about the fact that by living just a little longer could result in you changing the world? And if you think no one loves you, that's not true. Because there is always someone...even if you haven't met them yet.

Live life. Who cares what anyone thinks. Live your dreams, explore new places, and most of all, be who you are. Because there will always be someone who you can relate to. All you have to do is find them. And it might not be easy, but in the end,you'll be glad you waited. You have every right to live, no matter how tall or skinny you are, or even what gender. You will find you place in this world. I promise. And God forbid if I'm wrong, then you can be mad at me with everything you've got.

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Letter to You

Dear You,
Stay, stay, please do. Don't leave me! Don't leave by your own hand. Please don't! That's the worst way to go, going because of you. I just found you, it hasn't even been a month, and you're leaving.
Just...
Like...
That....

You brought me so many smiles, so many tears, so many moments that will only be remembered in memories. I don't care if you think you're ugly, you think you're weird, society's monster, all that bull. I don't care. To me, you're beautiful, completely amazing, the perfect friend. You were my everything. Were....Don't leave! Please, stay. Stay for just a minute, two minutes, forever. Fate is in your hands, don't do it. Please don't! .... Time was so short, so short, too short. I made the most out of our moments, every second. Every word you said, I held on, like a desperate child clinging to mother's legs. Because, in your eyes, I am a child.

You don't know anything, you haven't seen the world. I don't care about that bull you say, I know what I know, the world I see is my world. I know you don't believe me, think it's just a joke, the love I hold for you, think it's just a game. It's not a joke. It's not a game. It's reality. Don't go, please! The trigger, the gun, don't touch it, don't pull! Stay here with me, on earth. I want you alive, as in breathing, living, moving. Not dead, buried under mounds of dirt, in a cold box.

How, if I could, I would do everything to stop you. Take the gun, restrain the knife, knock you out, anything, everything. All the things I would do to stop you is separated, ruined, by the entire land, the entire vast United States, separating us. How I cannot possibly walk across millions of miles of land, how I cannot take a plane. Cannot is such a horrible word. I want you alive and here with me, to live life as it should be. Not life in a box, life with action. Please, don't!

My words are unheard... Driven by your desperate need, desperate relief of the burden carried on your shoulders, driven by what I say is insanity, insanity caused by stress and pressure. All this craziness you hold, I say, is caused because ...you ...pulled ...the ...trigger.

From, sincerely, regards, love, I don't know which to chose,
The girl who is left to be..

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The Friend Whom You Trusted

It all started on Tuesday, February 19. I was going home on the trolley with my friend, Linh. We were talking about anything we could think of. But then, we got on the topic of her best friend. She told me that her best friend was the only person she truly trusted. He was everything to Linh. He was always there for Linh and he was the one who would do anything for her. But something collapsed in Linh's eyes. "He wants to suicide." Those words struck me and tears came into my eyes. "Why?" I asked as I stared at Linh, worried what she would say.

"He's being cyber bullied...because he is gay." Linh said looking down at her phone. I stared at Linh and got angry. I don't see why people are so judgmental. Why cant they just accept people as they are? Why cant they shut up and not judge people? "Can I... meet him one day?" I questioned Linh, hoping that I will be able to change her friend's mind of suicide. Linh thought about it and nodded. "I'll set up a date and you guys can talk. I just need to ask him," Linh said as she got up, "Bye." She said that to me when we reached her stop and then she got off.

Two days had passed since Linh told me about her friend. I went to school like usual. And went to my locker like usual. Then I saw one of my other friends, Cassie. "Hi." She said calmly as she rushed to do her homework. "Hey," I said glumly. I was never good at waking up in the morning. "Linh was looking for you. Like she just looked in the room and then left." Cassie exclaimed as she looked up at me. "Really?" I asked but at that moment, Linh came into the room. "Monica, Come here..." Linh ordered as she stood at the entrance. "Okay..." I said but when I looked at Linh... Something was wrong. I was scared, but I didnt show it. "Its about the friend I told you before," Linh said as I started walking towards her. Before I got to her, I thought she was going to tell me the date when I meet her friend. So I was smiling cheerfully as I walked to her. When I got to Linh, she said the most unexpected thing in the whole world..."He died."
...

I just stood there. No words came out of my mouth. I stood there looking at Linh with this shocked look. Tears welled up in my eyes. Linh continued. "He died this morning..." Linh started tearing up. We just stood there and teared up. No one said a word for a while. Linh talked for a little bit. "I dont know what to do... I think I will do my best..." After Linh said that, she left the room. Leaving me to stand there like an idiot. I really wanted to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. But I knew, it wasn't going to be okay. I couldn't say the words I wanted to say. All I did, was stand there until the bell rang....

Why...did he die... Why couldn't he live... Didn't he know how much Linh loved him? He didn't deserve to die. The people who made him die should have died. He didn't deserve it. He had a future ahead of him, but they made him kill his future. Why? Just... Why? I could've driven him out of it... I could've been his friend... I could've help him with his problems... I could've seen him happy. But because of these judgmental people, he died. An innocent life was killed. But what I was scared of the most was Linh. On the same day she told me about her friend, she said, "If he dies, I don't know what I would do. I might even go with him..."

That day... 3 people died... 3 people I knew... One of them was gonna be my friend... The other one emotionally collapsed... and I... I died mentally and emotionally. We lost ourselves. Lost our minds... and lost our everything.

Help the people around you who are being judged unfairly ....being bullied just because they are different. They have a heart just like us where they feel pain and tend to give up at some point. Stop judging and love people for what they are......

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Never Understood

"I met her in February the year was 2012, when we first met, the feeling was like no other, we instantly clicked. Talking led to texting once in a while which led to texting each other all the time. Making jokes, laughing, she really did make me happy. One day I decided to tell her the secret, that I wasn't happy with my home life. That my parents neglected me, I felt scared and alone. When I told her she said, "I will always be here for you". I finally felt like I wasn't alone.

The months passed, great times, ups and downs but we made it work, but then in august, we began seeing each other less and less. The fights and arguments began to grow more intense. She would hint breaking up and taking breaks, so one September night I told her "maybe its best if we take a break" just a little break to get our heads on straight, we both agreed. Two weeks went by, this was the hardest, two weeks of my life, I had to call her back and tell her I needed her. So I called her and said "I need you. I can't take anymore sleepless nights" and that was when she told me "I'm going into the navy, I don't know if I can, I just don't want to make it hard and go into this with a relationship" this was the most heartbreaking news I've ever heard, she was the only one who ever understood me, that's when I remembered the words she once told me, "I'll always love you, no matter what. I'll never leave your side, I'll never leave you alone again"

I didn't want to lose what was so special to me. But I didn't ague, she told me that if she wasn't going into the navy she would've taken me back yesterday. 2 months passed and I asked her to prom, since her ship day was in June and prom was in august, she said yes, but told me we could only go as friends, this confused me. Two weeks later I asked her why we had to go as friends, she was keeping something in, I could tell. That's when she said "we have to go as friends because I'm seeing someone, and its to the point where we couldn't be more than friends" I instantly felt my heart drop, I couldn't believe it. She then asked me if I could accept it, and I told her yes, when in my mind I knew I couldn't, that night I found out this guy was her boyfriend, for almost a month, the one person I thought cared, lied to me, and I just want her to know that she is the reason I am writing this suicide note, here I am again, all alone"

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